Dead Man Walking

Things were just going too good in the Drlich household. You know, our air conditioning was working, or roof hadn't collapsed, our cars were not stolen. Then, the day before I leave on vacation Mr. Walking Health Disaster has to tell me that his hernia is popping out again. He told me "not to be alarmed" and that he has a "good six months" before it will need surgery. I am glad he can gauge that kind of thing. I am waiting for Ozzie's hernia to flare up again. I might as well have both of them out of service, using a pee jug to go to the bathroom, at once.

So, yesterday I took my 10-yearly trip to Kings Island (which, I punctuated wrong earlier. It is Kings with no apostrophe. Apparently it is not an Island belonging to the King, but an island with many Kings on it). Man, I am too old for that crap. I made a lot of realizations yesterday that I thought I would share with you.

1) I am deathly afraid of heights. However, I like to be scared. Discuss amoungst yourselves

2) There are a lot of white trash people in this world. I mean A LOT. I think Kings Island is mecca for white trash. Jake said that Kings Island for them is like St. Lucia for us. Interesting. Anyways, I have to give them a hand, I definitely would not be able to walk around an amusement park in a bikini and nothing else.

3) Kings Island is not "smoke free" as it claims. I think maybe they just put that sign up there so the non white trash people feel comforted, but really, all of the white trash people are laughing at it and smoking their cigarettes up and down the sidewalks. I didn't see anyone smoking on a roller coaster, but I am sure someone did it.

4) I am old. I liked going to amusement parks much better when I did not think about dying every time I was on a ride. I kept picturing myself being flung off of the tracks and landing in the trees on the Beast. Or, how if we were off by 2 feet, my body would smash into the concrete walls in the tunnels. I think those thoughts took my enjoyment out of the rides a little bit.

5) My head hurts, my feet hurts, my throat hurts. Apparently when you are a kid, screaming, whipping around like a rag doll, and walking for hours is all in days work. My life is not that exciting anymore, so when I do all of that stuff in an 8 hour period, my body takes a toll. Next time I got to Kings Island (which might be in another 10 years), I will do some training before hand and make sure I get some good screams out.

I will be going away for a week, so if you are bored at work and need some entertainment you can read some old blogs. I really think they were much funnier in the beginning. I am not sure why, but maybe this vacation will revive my dried out sense of humor. Kind of like having split ends, and then getting a deep condition. See, I am just weird now. Pray to the weather gods for some good weather, and pray to the hernia gods for Jake's well being. I need to make a deal with the hernia god.

Later loves.