The Wiggles Farewell Tour Recap

We have made it back from vacation and have been flung, full-force back into reality. Jake starts school tomorrow, and Abe in another week, so our lives have quickly gotten off of beach time. Before I tell everyone about vacation and bore everyone to tears with our vacation photos, I feel obliged to do a Wiggles concert recap.

There are really a lot of reasons for this:

1. Greg Wiggle is back! (more on that later)
2. Even though Greg is back, this is the last time that Murray, Greg, and Jeff will be touring. Hence, making this the Farewell Tour. EPIC.
3. There are a lot of Wiggle haters out there, and I just don't think they understand, man. I mean, they just don't really know the Wiggles like we know the Wiggles. Jake told me that he likes the Wiggles more than Dave Matthews -- which tells you a lot for both bands. (I will also get to more about Jake later).

This is our second time seeing the Wiggles live. If you recall, we took Abe two years ago. His reaction was not really what we were expecting. Well, this was his reaction to this time:

I hate the Wiggles. I hate my parents. I hate my life.

 So, you know, par for the course. This was even despite Jake pumping the boys up hours in advance, and trying to explain to them how awesome it will be. In fact, I don't remember the last time I saw Jake this excited about anything. So, you know, win one for us.

I figured since Abe was a lost cause, we could focus on Sam and make sure he had a great time. Turns out, the kid reacts very much the same as Abe at concerts.

Portrait of mother and stone-cold children.

 But Jake and I weren't going to let them ruin our time. No siree. And, lucky for us, they served alcohol at the Murat. So, I got to enjoy my Wiggles experience with a beer. Strangely, I didn't notice any other parents drinking, but I think that is because we are much cooler than them.

Here are some of the things I thought about during my concert experience:

Greg. What's up with him? As you all remember, Greg retired six years ago due to some mystery illness. When he handed off his skivvy (Australian for shirt) to Sam Wiggle it seemed as though he was too ill to go on. After seeing him dance around and high kick, Jake and started wondering if this was just a Wiggly hoax. At one point they sang a song about allergies (a new one, and don't even get me started on the new characters). I leaned over to Jake and told him about my distaste of the song, and he said, "I feel like I am learning, and I don't like that." Then, we began to discuss that maybe Greg discovered he had an allergy, figured out how to deal with it, magnificently recovered from his disease, then wrote a Wiggles song about it. (Jake thought maybe it was a "nose allergy.") Turns out, he has orthostatic intolerance. You guys can read all about it in your free time.

Anthony. Oh, man, this dude is really proud of his physical fitness. We got to see him do the splits (for no apparent reason) and do handstands around the stage. Plus, I think his Wiggles pants are about two sizes to small, so there was some definite VPL. Not very Wiggly if you ask me.

Jeff. The dude looks like some tiny man from Indonesia who is 240 years old. He is just lucky to be along for the ride if you ask me.

Murray. He has never been my favorite, but he did play "Stairway to Heaven," AND he gave Sam a high-five (so did Jeff. Sam is the coolest person in our family.)

Fuzzy photo of Sam awaiting his high five. Made Sam Jake's day.

We got to see the new Wiggles in action. There are two new guys, and a new girl. Of course Anthony is staying on, because he is God's gift to the world in the package of a Wiggle. I liked them just fine, but they really lack the creepiness and bad dance moves that the original Wiggles possess, and that we have grown to love.

In conclusion, as I looked around the small amphitheater, filled with snotty-nosed, diaper-clad children and slightly sweaty, well-meaning parents; I focused on one dad a few rows over. A good looking, youngish guy with a nice haircut and stylish polo shirt, that was so earnestly trying to give Dorothy the Dinosaur a rose for his little girl. I thought about how he was probably shit-faced drunk, shirtless, and in someone's basement 15 years ago.

It's really amazing what we will do for our kids.