I am on week two of "forcing myself to write on this blog," and it is truly really hard. When once words flowed out of me effortlessly, I am now filled with self criticism and writer's block. Part of me thinks I have nothing good to say, part of me is so cynical now and thinks that everything I have to say is stupid and dumb and cringeworthy, and everyone will think I'm like so dumb. I realize how ridiculous this sounds as I am typing, but here we are.
A very good antidote to this is to just write more. I think writing is like a sport, and you need to practice to get into shape. While I have been writing a ton for my real life work job, it is definitely not the same muscle to write ~whatever this is~.
Also, I am now 42 and my children are teenagers, and I am so tired and jaded. And, maybe, not interesting? I gotta tell you, being at this stage in life/motherhood is a real kick in the ass. Your kids do not think you are cool; and by all accounts it is true. You are not cool. For the first time I look at what the "kids" are wearing these days and think, "NOPE. I definitely cannot do that." I have aged out. My hair is turning grey at a rate that I had to make the crucial decision to dye or not to dye (I am choosing not to dye and it is very hard. Maybe more on that in a future post.) Sometimes when I wake up my feet hurt. People call me ma'am at Trader Joes. So you know, it's been a hard time for the old ego.
All of this to say, it's gonna be a struggle. But I am sort of motivated to do this, so I am going to keep writing shitty posts like this until something good pops up. I am being fueled by my hatred of big tech CEOs and what social media is doing to society (so I can delete Instagram, even though I love it for the fire memes), and because I think I have good stories to tell.
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