The one time I talked about serious stuff and also quoted Aladdin

The blog I was going to post today was about the song Pompeii, by the band Bastille. I am very fascinated that it is a song about an actual historical event. I find that to be weird. (Don't worry, I will be sure to finish that riveting post.)

But instead, I am going a different direction. I am going to write about serious stuff. In other words, I'm abouts to get into some deep shit.

I know that I post pretty openly on here, but I have been a little guarded talking about my divorce. There are a lot of reasons -- I don't want to get into the details. I don't want to come across as whiny, when I know a lot of other people have things a lot worse than me.  I don't want people to feel sorry for me or worry about me. Sometimes I don't feel like I could ever fully articulate the way I feel, because I haven't ever had feelings this big. But, I think the biggest reason is that I am still ashamed I am divorced. I know in my head that it is not healthy. But it is a part of divorce, at least for me.

I read this blog today, by Jennifer Ball and she does a very good job of articulating what I cannot (she also is in love with Louis C.K. which I do not think is merely a coincidence.) She talks about the pain, the hurt, the difficulty. But she also talks about the hope. 

The hope is important. For a while I was resigned to a life of sadness and cats (why cats are affiliated with my sad future-version of myself is a mystery to me.) I thought I would be forever alone and never experience happiness again. It sounds sort of dramatic, but that is the kind of shit that goes through your head. I was being forced to re-imagine a new version of what happiness looked like for me, and I simply could not do it. It was too difficult to re-imagine happiness in a different way, when it was so ingrained in my mind. So cats and doom it was. 

BUT. But. Slowly and surely I have had glimpses of hope. I am very impatient so I wanted things to be better now. But, as with most good things, it takes time. And patience. And work. Lots of work. (Which is also a recipe for good things. Time and work. Isn't that a physics equation or something?)

Jennifer (author of the blog post) writes:

"But oh, my sweet, strong warrior friend...oh my goodness. While that world disappeared into a black hole of grief and endings, a whole new world was born. And this new world, the one you are in right now?
It's yours."

And, I am just starting to see this new world. A whole new world as Aladdin would say. One without cats and doom. I am not sure what the new world has in store for me, but it is sort of exciting that I get to decide.

So, that's my TMI post. I am starting to get my funny back. I am laughing more with my kids. They are sometimes laughing at me. So, hopefully I will have some regular programming back and no more dramatic blogs.(Who am I kidding? There will probably be some more dramatic blogs, but I promise to talk about my kids).