Let it Go

Editor's note: I'm just going to go ahead and apologize from the start, because it seems the only time I feel compelled to post is when I am feeling rant-y, or overly sentimental and mushy. I am feeling a bit of both. I would also like to say from the beginning that when I am ranting and bitching about my life, I know it can come across as whiny. Look, I know people have it way harder than me, and really, my life is really good by many standards. There's just some shitty things going on, and sometimes I can only handle so much. 

In my ripe old (young?) age of 34 I have gathered that I learn lessons the hard way. I am not sure why this is. Maybe it is just the way I was destined to live and learn, or maybe I am really stubborn and REALLY need things to hit me over the head before I get them.

To quote the great Oprah:

"For years I've noticed that the universe speaks to us in whispers. If we ignore the whispers, we get pebbles of warnings. If we still don't pay attention, we get bricks of problems, and if we're really hardheaded, eventually the entire brick wall comes crashing down. This is a pattern I've seen repeated so often in every area of life that I know for sure when you don't pay attention to the pebbles, it's just a matter of time before the bricks show up... Everything in life has meaning. The bigger the fall, the greater the lesson."

So, yeah. Life throws pebbles at me and I am all, "Did someone hear that?" Then the brick comes flying through and I think it must be the wind. Then my wall comes crashing down and I'm all, "Well shit. Time to deal."

Why am I like this!? I suppose if I knew this, I would much better off?  I have yet to decide if learning things the hard way is good or bad. On one hand, you have to go through some tough stuff. Seemingly tough things that I get jealous that other people don't have to go through. On the other, you really, really get the lesson. Maybe another good thing (that I have at least been trying to tell myself) is that it builds character. So, good news everyone, my character is building to great heights! I will have character out the ears. Whatever that means.

Yesterday I got a flat tire. It was just one of those things at the end of a bad day, coupled with my overall stress-filled whatever. I decided I was going to fix the tire myself because: A) It was the best option, B) I don't want to ask people for help, because I am a strong, independent woman gosh darnit, C) I feel like I have been asking people for help way too much. D) I needed to do this.

So, I called my mom and dad asked for some tips (don't get under the car when it is on the jack), found the manual, put my gloves on, and started to work. (Okay, I did cry for like 5 minutes. I am just being honest here.) It was BUTT ASS cold, which didn't really help matters, but I was determined. About 15 minutes into the tire change, a guy I work with came up to me and asked if I needed help. I said, yes, and he started helping me. Then, my boss came out and started helping me. Soon, the tire was changed and I was on my way.

So, here's my wall crumbling down lesson: There are really some good people in this world. I cannot tell you how appreciative I am for them, and I am floored by how generous they were. I am sure they had a million better things to do, but they stopped and helped me. When I texted my friend Stephanie afterwards she was ready to send her husband to help me, from another town away, from the comfort of their home with two children, where I am SURE they have a million other things to do. THERE ARE SOME REALLY GOOD PEOPLE IN THE WORLD.

So, universe, I get it. I am lucky.

Oh, and also. I think it's time to let it go. Because I feel I have been fighting and fighting and fighting against everything just to keep my head above water. It is very similar to this. I need to just let it go. And with that, I leave you with this: