Jasper Resort and Spa

I am sitting here in the office quarters of the Jasper Resort and Spa, reflecting on my vacation this past week. While I do miss Jake a lot, I really don't want to go home. Would you? I had access to cable on fourTVs (with HBO), home cooked meals every night, cable DSL, and plenty of couches to lounge upon. I really do think that coming here was good for me. I started to become regular again in more ways than one (if you know what I mean, and I realize that it may be too much information, but at this moment in time it is the highlight of my week. When anyone hasn't been "regular" in seven days, come talk to me and we can commiserate the misery of it all.) I started eating real meals with vegetables. I started waking up before 9 a.m., and I exercised for the first time in 8 weeks.

My mom and dad (the owners of the fine establishment) were very nice to me and Doggie Mullally. They made me lots of food and let Ozzie get on the bed until it was time for them to go to sleep. They both make me laugh so hard, sometimes I look at them and think that they are two kids playing house.

The last three weeks have been the hardest in my life. I know that seems like a very dramatic statement, and I can just see my dad saying to me, "It will only get harder," or something like that, which I am sure it will. But, for right now, at 26 years old it was tough, man.

I think at first, it was physically hard for me, but then I started to get really scared. In any circumstance, losing a job is scary, but now I am not just worrying about myself, but another tiny human being, whom I think I will care about even more than myself (or even Ozzie, for that matter). So, enter the freaking hormones that are amped up to about an eleven and enter the irrational thoughts. Then come the tears and hilarity. Everyone says, "It will all work out," but that is tough to believe and sometimes I just want to kick said person in the shins when they say it.

(Don't worry, this sort of has a point, and a semi-happy ending.)

So, after this week of pampering and resting and almost not thinking about my kucky problems that lie ahead, I have some clarity. I think I need to just LET IT GO. I am not sure what good it is worrying about all of the things I cannot change. I think I will worry enough about all of the things that I can change. If anything the whole getting-pregnant-losing-my-job-thing has given me a little perspective, and it has made me realize how lucky I am to have such great, loving people in my life (see, now the hormones are talking). And, now I realize that it is not about me anymore, it is about Pinenut. (And, please, Pinenut could you stop making me puke. I will let you have the acne, the constipation, and the crying, but the puking really sucks.)

So that is all. I think my hormones have clouded my sense of humor for awhile, so you may get highly emotional blogs for a little while.

Sniff, sniff.