Deep Friday Thoughts

This weekend I have free HBO and Cinemax. I just have to state that fact right at the get-go, just so you all know I will be okay.

I have a free weekend without the kids, and I all want to do is stay in my house and watch free HBO and Cinemax. And, I think that is okay.

I saw this blog post, by one of my favorite bloggers Dooce, and it totally resonated with me. It's actually a little weird how much I relate with what is happening in my life right now. She is divorced and talks about missing her kids when they are gone, and also the difficulty of having them all by yourself. 

"I’d be going home to a silent house and it would remain like that until I picked them up from camp three days later. That enormous void in my house is like a rapidly growing cancer that infests my every thought and every action.

I miss them and that longing ache is crushing me.

 What compounds this ache is that when they are here I only have two hands and they seem to have hundreds. The work of taking care of two kids alone in my house, two kids who have very different and often conflicting needs is difficult. It’s frustrating, sometimes overwhelmingly. The work of it can obstruct the joy, and when it does, when I’ve put them to bed and realize that all I did for the previous two hours was repeat myself in an attempt to maintain some order, those are the nights when I close the door to my bedroom, sit up against a wall and hold myself."

I am not writing this for people to feel sorry for me -- Don't cry for me Argentina. (Don't make fun of me for saying that either.) It's just so nice to read something and have someone understand what you are going through. Even if they are from the internet and I have never met them.

So, this weekend I am going to watch free HBO, buy a new rug for my family room because I cannot take my old rug one minute more, mop my kitchen floor, and maybe eat various cheese products. I am probably going to feel sad at times, but I think I will actually enjoy myself a little too. If anyone feels the need to send me funny videos, please do.