The One Where I Can't Think Up A Title That is Good Enough

So.

Sooooooooooo.

SO.

I think it's time to address the elephant on this blog, and believe me, I have thought and thought and thought about this. (No way!? I am overthinking something? Crazy!) I thought about how it doesn't matter, because no one reads this thing anyways, so I don't have to make an official statement about anything. But, I was realizing that when I wasn't being honest and truthful on this thing, I couldn't write about anything else. It was like a block. I didn't feel like writing about my kids. My dog. The fun stuff going on. I was blocked. So.

I am divorced.

There, I said it and it is on the internet.  It is not a secret. All of my family and friends know. I am not keeping it from anyone. Maybe I was scared to admit it to myself. To my blog -- a place where you can create a life you want people to think you have. But, this blog was never about that for me. It is about the real shit that happens in my life. My real thoughts. And,  divorce is a very much real part of my life right now, and probably forever.

I will not go into any details on here ever, because it is no one's business really. I have created a space for me to write and write about stupid crap that no one will ever see, ever. Until maybe I die, and then I will it to Abe, because he will probably understand what it's like to be emo. (Sidenote: I named it "The Faces of Coltrane" and I was so proud of myself for being so clever. But I am sure no one will get that.) Here, I will probably talk about how I feel and how my life is changing because at the moment I feel ALL OF THE FEELINGS and my life is changed quite a bit. Never to again be the same.I am getting to be okay with that, but it is quite a daunting task. It's hard.

But, I have the most amazing family and friends. I mean, really. I am not just saying that. They are amazing, and the only reason I have not shaved my head, or gone Amanda Bynes-tastic is because of them. The love and support I have received is enough to fill me for a lifetime, and I will be forever grateful to them.

Sorry, it just got really sappy. But sometimes you have to. Just saying. Plus, it's my blog and I can do what I want.Also, vulnerability. That's my new thing. It's not something I was really planning for or hoping for -- you know, like say, wealth or beauty -- but it's what I got going on right now, and I am embracing it.

I came across the video below today. It seemed like good timing to me.




“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.”
-Brene Brown

So, yeah, what she said.