“Hey, the moon is chasing me”– Riverbend Adventure Recap

We didn't have a chair.

 Due to the overwhelming response for a recap (two people, but even so I am really surprised TWO people care) of my cray cray adventure with the Martin brothers, I have begrudgingly obliged. I figure you could always stop reading at any point when it becomes annoying, much easier than to pretend you are interested in my story in person.  

I will try to spare ALL of the details. Like, how I learned almost all of the names of the Hispanic gentleman that work at Jesse’s company or the exact words that Brandon’s wife recorded  via text of Brandon sleep-talking (it is actually pretty hilarious, and if I had the exact words I would most definitely put them on the blog, although they are not G-rated). But, I will give you some highlights.

The Martin Brothers take this trip (perhaps all road trips?) very seriously. There are certain rituals that must be followed such as wearing bandanas, stopping to get scratch-off lottery tickets, and holding your breath over bridges. Another one of their rituals is getting loaded up on caffeinated beverages. Knowing that it was going to be a long night, I thought I would partake in this one, but decided it would be a smart move for me to just go for the 5-hour Energy ONLY, without the Red Bull chaser. Well, that was a bad idea. I should never have 5-Hour Energys. NEVER. It took about three hours for my heart to stop palpitating. And I swear I could see the hair on my arms grow. I felt I had some sort of Spidey-sense, which I guess would be cool for some, but it was not cool for me.

Eurobungy: The best of all the Bungies.

Riverbend is located inside of an amusement park called Coney Island. I think because of this (maybe?) you cannot tailgate in the parking lot. So, the Martin Brothers tradition is to get bottles of your desired soda and then mix it with your desired alcohol. When we arrived we sneakily mixed our drinks like we were in high school college, and then walked to the box office to get our tickets. Because we didn’t even have tickets. I know, CRAY CRAY. We got to pass some weird rides along the way, as well as see some super young people get busted. Suckahs! This 32 year old knows how to party. Am I right?

We had to take the long way to get into the venue to see “the greatest tree of all the trees” (another Martin Brother ritual).

THE tree.

Luckily, they were not sold out and we were able to secure some Lawn tickets. Let’s talk about the lawn, shall we? Where grass once was, Astroturf now lives. If that is not the weirdest thing ever, I don’t know what is. We situated ourselves toward the back of the lawn, where there is a giant wall. On the other side of the wall is a 20 foot drop. Brandon told me that people come to the wall to pee, throw up, etc. My Spidey-sense told me that with the new Astroturf in place that will not be pretty. (My Spidey-sense was right, BTW.)

I will not go into the concert because I know almost none of you reading are DMB fans, but it was a lot of fun and the band sounded great. I was getting a tad bit angry at “obnoxious drunk blonde dancing girl in a sundress” and her obvious lack of DMB song knowledge, but when it got dark I did not have to see her anymore.

This is a poetic photo.

After the show, my 5-hour Energy had worn off and we were tired, but still had to drive two hours home. This is where I was totally feeling like an old lady who wanted nothing more than to eat some frozen pizza, put on some sweatpants, and go to bed. But, I knew I had to keep Brandon company on the drive, so I pounded SmartWater and Gardettos and talked nonstop for the entire two hours. Highlights included my entire high school soap opera, how I thought the moon followed the car when I was a kid, and also duet-ing to the Gotye song.

 Overall, it was a really fun time, and I feel very lucky that the Martin Brothers let me tag along on their ritualistic roadtrip. I did not dance embarassingly until the end, and it was dark by then. Even so, I don't think they minded. They're cool like that.