It's about the green bean moments

It's oftentimes when I feel the craziest in life that I become the most reflective and I start to see things clearly. I am not really sure what that means, but it's almost like when my plate gets too full, I drop it and go get another one that is empty. (How's that for an analogy!)

This week a flurry of events, some expected and some not, have sent my heart palpitations and nighttime mind racing into overdrive. I lay awake at night and think about all of the unknowns going on (changing daycares, changing homes, work, working out, impending surgeries) and know that this is so stupid for me and so not good for me. I know that my worrying about this stuff at night is not going to change the outcome. Yet, all of my thoughts continue and also weave into my subconscious resulting in me having dreams about me joyriding in a road-version of the Millennium Falcon, being chased by mobs of people, and ultimately stabbed with a needle of unknown contents, only to die and be revived with a shot of adrenaline to my heart. Yeah, that is the shit I dream about.

Needless to say, I have a lot on my mind. And usually when that happens it is hard for me to concentrate on anything of value. So my mind wanders. A lot. I usually end up reading. Blogs, articles, book excerpts. Anything to distract and maybe to somehow give me the "answer" I have been looking for. You know, the one thing that will make sense of everything and then I will figure out how to live my life stress-free, successful, and happily. Or, I guess, sometimes I just like to laugh.

Sometimes I start reading past years of my blog. Usually I like to read about Abe and Sam, but for some reason I was getting locked into the year 2005. My life was so different then, and I think my writing was too. More honest. Maybe more naive. Whatever. I got a kick out of it. It got me thinking about how I could write about the simplest things in life and how I paid attention to those things.

When I got home last night (all of this crazy stuff going on in my mind) I sat down to dinner with the boys. Dinner is always quite the adventure in our house and tonight we were having green beans (among other things). Abe always eats the green beans, but Sam? Not so much. Sometimes we try the tactic of talking the vegetables up, like saying that green beans are "Hulk toes" and asparagus is "Hulk fingers," and that eating them will make you big and strong, but Sam usually doesn't buy that.

However, tonight, he did. Abe starting eating the green beans and commenting on his arm muscles so Sam started following suit, and then "flexed" his muscles by straightening one arm and grunting. I cannot tell you why, but it brought me the greatest joy I have felt in days. Maybe months. Each time he ate a green bean, there came an arm-straightening-grant and I laughed and smiled and high-fived.

I remember thinking to myself in that moment that THIS, THIS is the stuff that matters. And how blessed am I that I am sitting down at dinner, eating with my family

And, then today, someone mentioned how they were reading this book, and the way the author wrote reminded them of me. I decided to check it out, and stumbled upon a chapter about waiting for the next big moment in your life. You know, like the moment when everything will change and everything will be better. I feel as though I wait for that moment a lot. But, then I found this passage:

"This is it. This is life in all its glory, swirling and unfolding around us, described as pedantic, pedestrian non-events. But pull of the mask and find your life waiting to be made, chosen, woven, crafted.

Your life right now, today, is exploding with power, and energy, and detail, and dimension, better than the best movie you have ever seen. You and your family and your house and your dinner table and your garage have all the makings of a life of epic proportions, a story of all ages. Because they are. Every life is."

(From the book, "Cold Tangerines" by Shauna Niequest)

 That Universe is a sneaky bastard that gets me when I least expect it.

Also, sorry for a "Special Edition" of my blog. It should return to its regularly scheduled programming soon.