Life lessons brought to you by the Family Guy

When I got home from work yesterday, Jake and Abe were playing outside. Jake greeted me with a kiss and some interesting news.

“We have a dead bird on our front porch.”

“EWWW! Where is it?”

“Right there. On the doormat.”

I must say it was the weirdest thing I have ever seen. A tiny, dead bird laying peacefully in the middle of our Bears doormat. It almost looked as if it were sleeping.

“That is so weird,” I said. “How do you think it got there? I know it didn’t run into the windows, they aren’t that clean.”

“Maybe it was a gift for Ozzie.”

(Look of puzzlement). “Who would give Ozzie a dead bird?! That’s not something I would give my friends.”

“I don’t know … another dog? Or a cat, maybe.”

“Do they do that?”

“Yeah, remember on Family Guy when Brian gave Lois a dead bird and Stewie made fun of him and he said, ‘That was a gift, you bastard. That was a gift for the family.’”