I was having a bad day.
You know, one of those bad days where you want to punch every person that smiles at you because, well, they're smiling. When your computer freezes up and you smirk and say, "Well of COURSE that is happening TODAY!" When you feel fat and your hair is not laying right and you get a weird zit on your face kind of day. Oh yeah, one of those.
So, it's time for lunch and I grab my frozen box of gourmet, low fat du jour and take it to the employee lounge to heat up. I can plainly see that there are two calzones in the box, and figure that yes, one, not two calzones are a serving. I get it. As I am flipping over the box for more heating instructions I see 1 Calzone = 1 serving again. Thank you, SmartOnes. Then, I see it again. Then, I realize SmartOnes is mocking me. Yeah, okay, I will not eat more than one calzone at a time.
Then, as I am removing my calzone and putting it in its highly advanced cardboard heating sleeve, I stop in my tracks. It says:
Remove calzone from package. Insert in heating sleeve. Return remaining calzone to the freezer.
Excuse me? Is that a patronizing tone I hear from SmartOnes? They want me to put the other calzone in the freezer? You mean, I am not supposed to leave it on the counter to thaw out? You mean, I am not supposed to .... EAT IT??? GOD FORBID I eat TWO (GASP) calzones. Afterall, one calzone is one serving.
I wonder what led SmartOnes to be sure they were very clear about the one serving, one calzone message to the point that they had to plaster it all over the box, and go the extra step and have the consumer (or fat ass in their eyes) step away from the box and place it back into the freezer to be eaten at an entirely separate occasion. Last I heard, I can eat as many freakin' calzones as I want. I am aware that Weight Watchers makes SmartOnes, and I am sure they don't want any huge lawsuits on their hands about the woman that went on the SmartOnes Calzone diet and GAINED weight, only to sue them for not making it clear that 1 calzone is 1 serving.
Or, their marketing copywriter is a big a-hole, and figures every person on a diet needs to be TOLD to back away from the refrigerator. Yeah, I'm going with that one. And, you know what, he can kiss my ass.
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4 comments:
I forget what a calzone is. I know I grew up in Y-town and I should know this, but I forget. Especially if you are having a bad day, I say eat whatever it takes to make you smile again. If that means chocolate freaking calzones I'd eat them.
i agree with jillsy. if you're having a bad day - screw smart ones. however... i have been eating smart ones for 4 years now (as i join & quit weight watchers quite regularly), and those guys are A-HOLES! the quesadilla box is the EXACT same way. my new thing (i'm trying to scoff in the face of smart ones) - lean cuisine paninis. give them a whirl (but only on a good day - if it's a bad day, get mcdonalds!).
I once ate 3 weight watchers personal pizzas just to spite them.
I once hit a man in Dearborn, Michigan. A hit and run. I hit him and just kept on going. I don't know if he's alive or dead.
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